Sure she looks nice, but trust me. She's got a heart of ice.

I bought her drink or two before I realized she had the face of a dog.

I put a nut in this bird's eye.

A four-eyed feast.

There she lied, right in the middle of the road. (artwork by Dawn Anderson)

Turned out to be a dude. Whatever. A man's gotta eat.

These twins totally wigged out when I mixed up their names.

The girl I met at the Millstone Diner. Come a little closer dear, and I will nibble your ear...

Worst dish ever. Just terrible.

Stella, the most wonderful woman I've ever met. She left me for a keyboard player. (artwork by Mike Brunette)

She was kind and pretty but I left her in a Loaf N' Jug bathroom.

A great piece of tail, a little on the boney side though.

Had to put Tabasco in her eye just to get her to go down.

Crushed and cold, I found her lying in a pool of some purple liquid in a Pennsylvania parking lot. "Lets get you warm, dear," I said

Pretty Little Angel Eyes. Voted Best Dressed Root at the Montana State Fair.

After her lobotomy, she didn't even recognize me.

3 Breasts! Hunted and plucked.

"The better to hug you with my dear"

She turned out to be a half cousin or some other thing on the Hay side of my family. Double dose.

Meaty lips and saucy eyes, she gets hungry looks from all the guys.